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was glad to bicycle away。 the following week； when he was met by me as myself； his smile had a touch of relief in it。
hiding the pregnancy was not difficult。 but i was troubled during those months of waiting about the birth itself。 i knew what the dangers of labor might be。 isabelle’s mother had not survived her second labor； and i could not put this thought out of my head for more than a few hours at a time。 that emmeline should suffer； that her life should be put in danger—this was unthinkable。 on the other hand； the doctor had been no friend of ours and i did not want him at the house。 he had seen isabelle and taken her away。 that could not be allowed to happen to emmeline。 he had separated emmeline and adeline。 that could not be allowed to happen to emmeline and me。 besides； how could he e without there being immediate plications？ and although he had been persuaded； though he did not understand it； that the girl in the mist had broken through the carapace of the mute rag…doll adeline who had once spent several months with him； if he were once to realize that there were three girls at angelfield house； he would immediately see the truth of the affair。 for a single visit； for the birth itself； i could lock adeline in the old nursery； and we might get away with it。 but once it was known there was a baby in the house； there would be no end of visits。 it would be impossible to keep our secret。
i was well aware of the fragility of my position。 i knew i belonged here； i knew it was my place。 i had no home but angelfield； no love but emmeline； no life but this one here； yet i was under no illusions about how tenuous my claim would seem to others。 what friends did i have？ the doctor could hardly be expected to speak up for me； and though mr。 lomax was kind to me now； once he knew i had impersonated adeline； it was inevitable that his attitude would alter。 emmeline’s affection for me and mine for her would count as nothing。
emmeline herself； ignorant and placid； let the days of her confinement pass by untroubled。 for me the time was spent in an agony of indecision。 how to keep emmeline safe？ how to keep myself safe？ every day i put off the decision to the next。 during the first months i felt sure the solution would e to me in time。 had i not resolved everything else； against the odds？ then this； too； could be arranged。 but as the time grew nearer； the problem grew more urgent and i was no nearer a decision。 i veered in the space of a minute between grabbing my coat to go to the doctor’s house； there and then； to tell him everything； and the contrary thought： that to do so was to reveal myself； and that to reveal myself could only lead to my banishment。 tomorrow； i told myself； as i replaced my coat on the hook。 i will think of something tomorrow。
but then it was too late for tomorrow。
i woke to a cry。 emmeline！
but it was not emmeline。 emmeline was huffing and panting； like a beast she snorted and sweated； her eyes bulged and she showed her teeth； but she did not cry out。 she ate her pain and it turned to strength inside her。 the cry that had woken me； and the cries that continued to resound all around the house； were not hers but adeline’s； and they did not cease till morning； when emmeline’s infant； a boy； was delivered。
it was the seventh of january。
emmeline slept； she smiled in her sleep。
i bathed the baby。 he opened his eyes and goggled； astounded by the touch of the warm water。
the sun rose。
the time for decisions had e and gone； and no decision had been made； yet here we were； on the other side of disaster； and we were safe。
my life could go on。
。。
The Thirteenth TaleFIRE
？小｜说网
miss winter seemed to sense the arrival of judith； for when the housekeeper looked around the edge of the door； she found us in silence。 she had brought me cocoa on a tray but also offered to replace me if i wanted to sleep。 i shook my head。 “i’m all right； thanks。”
miss winter also refused when judith reminded her she could take more of the white tablets if she needed them。
when judith was gone； miss winter closed her eyes again。
‘how is the wolf？“ i asked。
‘quiet in the corner；“ she said。 ”why shouldn’t he be？ he is certain of his victory。 so he’s content to bide his time。 he knows i’m not going to make a fuss。 we’ve agreed to terms。“
‘what terms？“
‘he is going to let me finish my story； and then i am going to let him finish me。“
she told me the story of the fire； while the wolf counted down the words。
i had never given a great deal of thought to the baby before he arrived。 i had considered the practical aspects of hiding a baby in the house； certainly； and i had a plan for his future。 if we could keep him secret for a time； my intention was to allow his presence to be known later。 though it would no doubt be whispered about； he could be introduced as the orphan child of a distant member of the family； and if people chose to wonder about his exact parentage； they were free to do so； nothing they could do would force us to reveal the truth。 when making these plans； i had envisaged the baby as a difficulty that needed to be resolved。 i had not taken into account that he was my flesh and blood。 i had not expected to love him。
he was emmeline’s； that was reason enough。 he was ambrose’s。 that was a subject i did not dwell on。 but he was also mine。 i marveled at his pearly skin； at the pink jut of his lips； at the tentative movements of his tiny hands。 the ferocity of my desire to protect him overwhelmed me： i wanted to protect him for emmeline’s sake； to protect her for his sake； to protect the two of them for myself。 watching him and emmeline together； i could not drag my eyes away。 they were beautiful。 my one desire was to keep them safe。 and i soon learned that they needed a guardian to keep them safe。
adeline was jealous of the baby。 more jealous than she had been of hester； more jealous than of me。 it was only to be expected： emmeline had been fond of hester； she loved me； but neither of these affections had touched the supremacy of her feeling for adeline。 but the baby… ah； the baby was different。 the baby usurped all。
i should not have been surprised at the extent of adeline’s hatred。 i knew how ugly her anger could be； had witnessed the extent of her violence。 yet the day i first understood the lengths she might go to； i could scarcely believe it。 passing emmeline’s bedroom； i silently pushed the door open to see if she was still sleeping。 i found adeline in the room； leaning over the crib by the bed； and something in her posture alarmed me。 hearing my step； she started； then turned and rushed past me out of the room。 in her hands she clutched a small cushion。
i felt pelled to dash to the cot。 the infant was sleeping soundly； hand curled by his ear； breathing his light； delicate baby breath。
safe！
until next time。
i began to spy on adeline。 my old days of haunting came in useful again as from behind curtains and yew trees i watched her。 there was a randomness in her actions； indoors or outdoors； taking no notice of the time of day or the weather； she engaged in meaningless； repeated actions。 she was obeying dictates that w