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Jane Eyre-第21章

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ed her knees with her arms; and rested her head upon them; in that attitude she remained silent as an indian。 i was the first who spoke—

“helen; why do you stay with a girl whom everybody believes to be a liar?”

“everybody; jane? why; there are only eighty people who have heard you called so; and the world contains hundreds of millions。”

“but what have i to do with millions? the eighty; i know; despise me。”

“jane; you are mistaken: probably not one in the school either despises or dislikes you: many; i am sure; pity you much。”

“how can they pity me after what mr。 brocklehurst has said?”

“mr。 brocklehurst is not a god: nor is he even a great and admired man: he is little liked here; he never took steps to make himself liked。 had he treated you as an especial favourite; you would have found enemies; declared or covert; all around you; as it is; the greater number would offer you sympathy if they dared。 teachers and pupils may look coldly on you for a day or two; but friendly feelings are concealed in their hearts; and if you persevere in doing well; these feelings will ere long appear so much the more evidently for their temporary suppression。 besides; jane”—she paused。

“well; helen?” said i; putting my hand into hers: she chafed my fingers gently to warm them; and went on—

“if all the world hated you; and believed you wicked; while your own conscience approved you; and absolved you from guilt; you would not be without friends。”

“no; i know i should think well of myself; but that is not enough: if others don’t love me i would rather die than live—i cannot bear to be solitary and hated; helen。 look here; to gain some real affection from you; or miss temple; or any other whom i truly love; i would willingly submit to have the bone of my arm broken; or to let a bull toss me; or to stand behind a kicking horse; and let it dash its hoof at my chest—”

“hush; jane! you think too much of the love of human beings; you are too impulsive; too vehement; the sovereign hand that created your frame; and put life into it; has provided you with other resources than your feeble self; or than creatures feeble as you。 besides this earth; and besides the race of men; there is an invisible world and a kingdom of spirits: that world is round us; for it is everywhere; and those spirits watch us; for they are missioned to guard us; and if we were dying in pain and shame; if scorn smote us on all sides; and hatred crushed us; angels see our tortures; recognise our innocence (if innocent we be: as i know you are of this charge which mr。 brocklehurst has weakly and pompously repeated at second…hand from mrs。 reed; for i read a sincere nature in your ardent eyes and on your clear front); and god waits only the separation of spirit from flesh to crown us with a full reward。 why; then; should we ever sink overwhelmed with distress; when life is so soon over; and death is so certain an entrance to happiness— to glory?”

i was silent; helen had calmed me; but in the tranquillity she imparted there was an alloy of inexpressible sadness。 i felt the impression of woe as she spoke; but i could not tell whence it came; and when; having done speaking; she breathed a little fast and coughed a short cough; i momentarily forgot my own sorrows to yield to a vague concern for her。

resting my head on helen’s shoulder; i put my arms round her waist; she drew me to her; and we reposed in silence。 we had not sat long thus; when another person came in。 some heavy clouds; swept from the sky by a rising wind; had left the moon bare; and her light; streaming in through a window near; shone full both on us and on the approaching figure; which we at once recognised as miss temple。

“i came on purpose to find you; jane eyre;” said she; “i want you in my room; and as helen burns is with you; she may e too。”

we went; following the superintendent’s guidance; we had to thread some intricate passages; and mount a staircase before we reached her apartment; it contained a good fire; and looked cheerful。 miss temple told helen burns to be seated in a low arm…chair on one side of the hearth; and herself taking another; she called me to her side。

“is it all over?” she asked; looking down at my face。 “have you cried your grief away?”

“i am afraid i never shall do that。”

“why?”

“because i have been wrongly accused; and you; ma’am; and everybody else; will now think me wicked。”

“we shall think you what you prove yourself to be; my child。 continue to act as a good girl; and you will satisfy us。”

“shall i; miss temple?”

“you will;” said she; passing her arm round me。 “and now tell me who is the lady whom mr。 brocklehurst called your benefactress?”

“mrs。 reed; my uncle’s wife。 my uncle is dead; and he left me to her care。”

“did she not; then; adopt you of her own accord?”

“no; ma’am; she was sorry to have to do it: but my uncle; as i have often heard the servants say; got her to promise before he died that she would always keep me。”

“well now; jane; you know; or at least i will tell you; that when a criminal is accused; he is always allowed to speak in his own defence。 you have been charged with falsehood; defend yourself to me as well as you can。 say whatever your memory suggests is true; but add nothing and exaggerate nothing。”

i resolved; in the depth of my heart; that i would be most moderate—most correct; and; having reflected a few minutes in order to arrange coherently what i had to say; i told her all the story of my sad childhood。 exhausted by emotion; my language was more subdued than it generally was when it developed that sad theme; and mindful of helen’s warnings against the indulgence of resentment; i infused into the narrative far less of gall and wormwood than ordinary。 thus restrained and simplified; it sounded more credible: i felt as i went on that miss temple fully believed me。

in the course of the tale i had mentioned mr。 lloyd as having e to see me after the fit: for i never forgot the; to me; frightful episode of the red…room: in detailing which; my excitement was sure; in some degree; to break bounds; for nothing could soften in my recollection the spasm of agony which clutched my heart when mrs。 reed spurned my wild supplication for pardon; and locked me a second time in the dark and haunted chamber。

i had finished: miss temple regarded me a few minutes in silence; she then said—

“i know something of mr。 lloyd; i shall write to him; if his reply agrees with your statement; you shall be publicly cleared from every imputation; to me; jane; you are clear now。”

she kissed me; and still keeping me at her side (where i was well contented to stand; for i derived a child’s pleasure from the contemplation of her face; her dress; her one or two ornaments; her white forehead; her clustered and shining curls; and beaming dark eyes); she proceeded to address helen burns。

“how are you to…night; helen? have you coughed much to…day?”

“not quite so much; i think; ma’am。”

“and the pain in your chest?”

“it is a little better。”

miss temple got up; took her hand and examined her pulse; then she returned to her own seat: a
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