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Jane Eyre-第93章

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h: diana’s duskier tresses covered her neck with thick curls。 the clock struck ten。

“ye’ll want your supper; i am sure;” observed hannah; “and so will mr。 st。 john when he es in。”

and she proceeded to prepare the meal。 the ladies rose; they seemed about to withdraw to the parlour。 till this moment; i had been so intent on watching them; their appearance and conversation had excited in me so keen an interest; i had half…forgotten my own wretched position: now it recurred to me。 more desolate; more desperate than ever; it seemed from contrast。 and how impossible did it appear to touch the inmates of this house with concern on my behalf; to make them believe in the truth of my wants and woes—to induce them to vouchsafe a rest for my wanderings! as i groped out the door; and knocked at it hesitatingly; i felt that last idea to be a mere chimera。 hannah opened。

“what do you want?” she inquired; in a voice of surprise; as she surveyed me by the light of the candle she held。

“may i speak to your mistresses?” i said。

“you had better tell me what you have to say to them。 where do you e from?”

“i am a stranger。”

“what is your business here at this hour?”

“i want a night’s shelter in an out…house or anywhere; and a morsel of bread to eat。”

distrust; the very feeling i dreaded; appeared in hannah’s face。 “i’ll give you a piece of bread;” she said; after a pause; “but we can’t take in a vagrant to lodge。 it isn’t likely。”

“do let me speak to your mistresses。”

“no; not i。 what can they do for you? you should not be roving about now; it looks very ill。”

“but where shall i go if you drive me away? what shall i do?”

“oh; i’ll warrant you know where to go and what to do。 mind you don’t do wrong; that’s all。 here is a penny; now go—”

“a penny cannot feed me; and i have no strength to go farther。 don’t shut the door:… oh; don’t; for god’s sake!”

“i must; the rain is driving in—”

“tell the young ladies。 let me see them… ”

“indeed; i will not。 you are not what you ought to be; or you wouldn’t make such a noise。 move off。”

“but i must die if i am turned away。”

“not you。 i’m fear’d you have some ill plans agate; that bring you about folk’s houses at this time o’ night。 if you’ve any followers—housebreakers or such like—anywhere near; you may tell them we are not by ourselves in the house; we have a gentleman; and dogs; and guns。” here the honest but inflexible servant clapped the door to and bolted it within。

this was the climax。 a pang of exquisite suffering—a throe of true despair—rent and heaved my heart。 worn out; indeed; i was; not another step could i stir。 i sank on the wet doorstep: i groaned— i wrung my hands—i wept in utter anguish。 oh; this spectre of death! oh; this last hour; approaching in such horror! alas; this isolation—this banishment from my kind! not only the anchor of hope; but the footing of fortitude was gone—at least for a moment; but the last i soon endeavoured to regain。

“i can but die;” i said; “and i believe in god。 let me try to wait his will in silence。”

these words i not only thought; but uttered; and thrusting back all my misery into my heart; i made an effort to pel it to remain there—dumb and still。

“all men must die;” said a voice quite close at hand; “but all are not condemned to meet a lingering and premature doom; such as yours would be if you perished here of want。”

“who or what speaks?” i asked; terrified at the unexpected sound; and incapable now of deriving from any occurrence a hope of aid。 a form was near—what form; the pitch…dark night and my enfeebled vision prevented me from distinguishing。 with a loud long knock; the new…er appealed to the door。

“is it you; mr。 st。 john?” cried hannah。

“yes—yes; open quickly。”

“well; how wet and cold you must be; such a wild night as it is! e in—your sisters are quite uneasy about you; and i believe there are bad folks about。 there has been a beggar…woman—i declare she is not gone yet!—laid down there。 get up! for shame! move off; i say!”

“hush; hannah! i have a word to say to the woman。 you have done your duty in excluding; now let me do mine in admitting her。 i was near; and listened to both you and her。 i think this is a peculiar case—i must at least examine into it。 young woman; rise; and pass before me into the house。”

with difficulty i obeyed him。 presently i stood within that clean; bright kitchen—on the very hearth—trembling; sickening; conscious of an aspect in the last degree ghastly; wild; and weather…beaten。 the two ladies; their brother; mr。 st。 john; the old servant; were all gazing at me。

“st。 john; who is it?” i heard one ask。

“i cannot tell: i found her at the door;” was the reply。

“she does look white;” said hannah。

“as white as clay or death;” was responded。 “she will fall: let her sit。”

and indeed my head swam: i dropped; but a chair received me。 i still possessed my senses; though just now i could not speak。

“perhaps a little water would restore her。 hannah; fetch some。 but she is worn to nothing。 how very thin; and how very bloodless!”

“a mere spectre!”

“is she ill; or only famished?”

“famished; i think。 hannah; is that milk? give it me; and a piece of bread。”

diana (i knew her by the long curls which i saw drooping between me and the fire as she bent over me) broke some bread; dipped it in milk; and put it to my lips。 her face was near mine: i saw there was pity in it; and i felt sympathy in her hurried breathing。 in her simple words; too; the same balm…like emotion spoke: “try to eat。”

“yes—try;” repeated mary gently; and mary’s hand removed my sodden bonnet and lifted my head。 i tasted what they offered me: feebly at first; eagerly soon。

“not too much at first—restrain her;” said the brother; “she has had enough。” and he withdrew the cup of milk and the plate of bread。

“a little more; st。 john—look at the avidity in her eyes。”

“no more at present; sister。 try if she can speak now—ask her her name。”

i felt i could speak; and i answered—“my name is jane elliott。” anxious as ever to avoid discovery; i had before resolved to assume an alias。

“and where do you live? where are your friends?”

i was silent。

“can we send for any one you know?”

i shook my head。

“what account can you give of yourself?”

somehow; now that i had once crossed the threshold of this house; and once was brought face to face with its owners; i felt no longer outcast; vagrant; and disowned by the wide world。 i dared to put off the mendicant—to resume my natural manner and character。 i began once more to know myself; and when mr。 st。 john demanded an account—which at present i was far too weak to render—i said after a brief pause—

“sir; i can give you no details to…night。”

“but what; then;” said he; “do you expect me to do for you?”

“nothing;” i replied。 my strength sufficed for but short answers。 diana took the word—

“do you mean;” she asked; “that we have now given you what aid you require? and that we may dismiss you to the moor and the rainy night?”

i looked at her。
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