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ld out his left arm and pass his right hand over it as though he stroked the wings of doves。 i made a violent effort which seemed almost to tear me in two; and said with forced determination: you would sweep me away into an indefinite world which fills me with terror; and yet a man is a great man just in so far as he can make his mind reflect everything with indifferent precision like a mirror。 i seemed to be perfectly master of myself; and went on; but more rapidly: i mand you to leave me at once; for your ideas and phantasies are but the illusions that creep like maggots into civilizations when they begin to decline; and into minds when they begin to decay。 i had grown suddenly angry; and seizing the alembic from the table; was about to rise and strike him with it; when the peacocks on the door behind him appeared to grow immense; and then the alembic fell from my fingers and i was drowned in a tide of green and blue and bronze feathers; and as i struggled hopelessly i heard a distant voice saying: our master avicenna has written that all life proceeds out of corruption。 the glittering feathers had now covered me pletely; and i knew that i had struggled for hundreds of years; and was conquered at last。 i was sinking into the depth when the green and blue and bronze that seemed to fill the world became a sea of flame and swept me away; and as i was swirled along i heard a voice over my head cry; the mirror is broken in two pieces; and another voice answer; the mirror is broken in four pieces; and a more distant voice cry with an exultant cry; the mirror is broken into numberless pieces; and then a multitude of pale hands were reaching towards me; and strange gentle faces bending above me; and half wailing and half caressing voices uttering words that were forgotten the moment they were spoken。 i was being lifted out of the tide of flame; and felt my memories; my hopes; my thoughts; my will; everything i held to be myself; melting away; then i seemed to rise through numberless panies of beings who were; i understood; in some way more certain than thought; each wrapped in his eternal moment; in the perfect lifting of an arm; in a little circlet of rhythmical words; in dreaming with dim eyes and half?closed eyelids。 and then i passed beyond these forms; which were so beautiful they had almost ceased to be; and; having endured strange moods; melancholy; as it seemed; with the weight of many worlds; i passed into that death which is beauty herself; and into that loneliness which all the multitudes desire without ceasing。 all things that had ever lived seemed to e and dwell in my heart; and i in theirs; and i had never again known mortality or tears; had i not suddenly fallen from the certainty of vision into the uncertainty of dream; and bee a drop of molten gold falling with immense rapidity; through a night elaborate with stars; and all about me a melancholy exultant wailing。 i fell and fell and fell; and then the wailing was but the wailing of the wind in the chimney; and i awoke to find myself leaning upon the table and supporting my head with my hands。 i saw the alembic swaying from side to side in the distant corner it had rolled to; and michael robartes watching me and waiting。 i will go wherever you will; i said; and do whatever you bid me; for i have been with eternal things。 i knew; he replied; you must need answer as you have answered; when i heard the storm begin。 you must e to a great distance; for we were manded to build our temple between the pure multitude by the waves and the impure multitude of men。
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Rosa AlchemicaIII
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i did not speak as we drove through the deserted streets; for my mind was curiously empty of familiar thoughts and experiences; it seemed to have been plucked out of the definite world and cast naked upon a shoreless sea。 there were moments when the vision appeared on the point of returning; and i would half?remember; with an ecstasy of joy or sorrow; crimes and heroisms; fortunes and misfortunes; or begin to contemplate; with a sudden leaping of the heart; hopes and terrors; desires and ambitions; alien to my orderly and careful life; and then i would awake shuddering at the thought that some great imponderable being had swept through my mind。 it was indeed days before this feeling passed perfectly away; and even now; when i have sought refuge in the only definite faith; i feel a great tolerance for those people with incoherent personalities; who gather in the chapels and meeting?places of certain obscure sects; because i also have felt fixed habits and principles dissolving before a power; which was hysterica passio or sheer madness; if you will; but was so powerful in its melancholy exultation that i tremble lest it wake again and drive me from my new?found peace。
when we came in the grey light to the great half?empty terminus; it seemed to me i was so changed that i was no more; as man is; a moment shuddering at eternity; but eternity weeping and laughing over a moment; and when we had started and michael robartes had fallen asleep; as he soon did; his sleeping face; in which there was no sign of all that had so shaken me and that now kept me wakeful; was to my excited mind more like a mask than a face。 the fancy possessed me that the man behind it had dissolved away like salt in water; and that it laughed and sighed; appealed and denounced at the bidding of beings greater or less than man。 this is not michael robartes at all: michael robartes is dead; dead for ten; for twenty years perhaps; i kept repeating to myself。 i fell at last into a feverish sleep; waking up from time to time when we rushed past some little town; its slated roofs shining with wet; or still lake gleaming in the cold morning light。 i had been too pre?occupied to ask where we were going; or to notice what tickets michael robartes had taken; but i knew now from the direction of the sun that we were going westward; and presently i knew also; by the way in which the trees had grown into the semblance of tattered beggars flying with bent heads towards the east; that we were approaching the western coast。 then immediately i saw the sea between the low hills upon the left; its dull grey broken into white patches and lines。
when we left the train we had still; i found; some way to go; and set out; buttoning our coats about us; for the wind was bitter and violent。 michael robartes was silent; seeming anxious to leave me to my thoughts; and as we walked between the sea and the rocky side of a great promontory; i realized with a new perfection what a shock had been given to all my habits of thought and of feelings; if indeed some mysterious change had not taken place in the substance of my mind; for the grey waves; plumed with scudding foam; had grown part of a teeming; fantastic inner life; and when michael robartes pointed to a square ancient?looking house; with a much smaller and newer building under its lee; set out on the very end of a dilapidated and almost deserted pier; and said it was the temple of the alchemical rose; i was possessed with the phantasy that the sea; which kept covering it with showers of white foam; was claiming it as part of some indefinite and passionate life; which had begun to war