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about that pass； okay？〃 an i says； 〃sure snake； okay。〃 an then they all e up； one by one； an
shake my han； even ole curtis； who is wearin a body brace from his neck down on accounta
bashin down one door too many in the ape dorm。
bubba say he'；d hep me carry my shit down to the bus depot； but i say i'；d rather go alone。
〃keep in touch；〃 he say。 anyhow； on the way to the bus station； i pass by the student union
store； but it ain'；t friday night； an jenny curran'；s band is not playin； so i say； the hell with it； an
catch the bus on home。
it was late at night when the bus got to mobile。 i had not tole my mama what had happened；
cause i knew she'；d be upset； so i walk on home； but they is a light on up in her room an when i
get inside； they she is； crying and bawling jus like i remember。 what had happen； she tell
me； is that the united states army has already heard bout me not makin my grades； an that very
day a notice done e for me to report to the u。s。 army induction center。 if i had known then
what i know now； i would never had done it。
my mama take me down there a few days later。 she has packed me a box lunch in case i get
hungry on the way to wherever we is going。 they is about a hundrit guys standin aroun an four or
five busses waiting。 a big ole sergeant be hollerin an yellin at everbody； an mama goes up to him
an says； 〃i don'；t see how you can take my boy— cause he'；s a idiot；〃 but the sergeant jus look back
at her an say； 〃well； lady； what do you think all these other people is？ einsteins？〃 an he gone on
back to hollerin an yellin。 pretty soon he yell at me； too； an i git on the bus an away we went。
ever since i lef the nut school people been shoutin at me— coach fellers； coach bryant an
the goons； an now the people in the army。 but let me say this： them people in the army yell
longer an louder an nastier than anybody else。 they is never happy。 an furthermore； they do not
plain that you is dumb or stupid like coaches do— they is more interested in your private parts
or bowel movements； an so always precede they yellin with somethin like 〃dickhead〃 or
〃asshole。〃 sometimes i wonder if curtis had been in the army before he went to play football。
anyhow； after about a hundrit hours on the bus we get to fort benning； georgia； an all i'；m
thinkin is 35 to 3； the score when we whupped them georgia dogs。 the conditions in the barracks
is actually a little better than they was in the ape dorm； but the food is not— it is terrible； altho
there is a lot of it。
other than that； it was just doin what they tole us an gettin yelled at in the months to e。
they taught us to shoot guns； thow hand grenades an crawl aroun on our bellies。 when we wadn'；t
doin that we was either runnin someplace or cleanin toilets an things。 the one thing i remember
from fort benning is that they didn'；t seem to be nobody much smarter than i was； which was
certainly a relief。
not too long after i arrive； i get put on kp； on account of i have accidentally shot a hole in
the water tower when we was down at the rifle range。 when i get to the kitchen； it seems the cook
is took sick or somethin； an somebody point to me an say； 〃gump； you is gonna be the cook
today。〃
〃what i'；m gonna cook？〃 i axed。 〃i ain'；t never cooked before。〃
〃who cares；〃 somebody say。 〃this ain'；t the sans souci； y'；know。〃
〃why don'；t you make a stew？〃 somebody else say。 〃it'；s easier。〃
〃what of？〃 i axed。
〃look in the icebox an the pantry；〃 the feller say。 〃just thow in everthin you see an boil it
up。〃
〃what if it don'；t taste good？〃 i axed。
〃who gives a shit。 you ever eat anythin around here that did？〃
in this； he is correct。
well； i menced to get everthin i could from the iceboxes an the pantry。 they was cans of
tomatos an beans an peaches an bacon an rice an bags of flour an sacks of potatoes an i don'；t
know what all else。 i gathered it all together an say to one of the guys； 〃what i'；m gonna cook it
in？〃
〃they is some pots in the closet；〃 he say； but when i looked in the closet； they is jus small
pots； an certainly not large enough to cook a stew for two hundrit men in the pany。
〃why don'；t you axe the lieutenant？〃 somebody say。
〃he'；s out in the field on maneuvers；〃 e the reply。
〃i don'；t know；〃 say one feller； 〃but when them guys get back here today； they gonna be
damn hungry； so you better think of somethin。〃
〃what about this？〃 i axed。 they was an enormous iron thing bout six feet high an five feet
aroun settin in the corner。
〃that？ that'；s the goddamn steam boiler。 you can'；t cook nothin in there。〃
〃how e；〃 i say。
〃well； i dunno。 i jus wouldn do it if i was you。〃
〃it'；s hot。 it'；s got water in it；〃 i says。
〃do what you want；〃 somebody say； 〃we got other shit to do。〃
an so i used the steam boiler。 i opened all the cans an peeled all the potatoes an thowed in
whatever meat i could find an onions an carrots an poured in ten or twenty bottles of catsup an
mustard an all。 after bout a hour； you could begin to smell the stew cookin。
〃how'；s the dinner in？〃 somebody axed after a wile。
〃i'；ll go taste it；〃 i say。
i unfastened the lid to the boiler an there it was； you could see all the shit bubblin an boilin
up； an ever so often a onion or a potato woud e to the top an float aroun。
〃let me taste it；〃 a feller axed。 he took a tin cup an dip out some stew。
〃say； this shit ain'；t near done yet；〃 he says。 〃you better turn up the heat。 them fellers'；ll be
here any minute。〃
so i turned up the heat on the boiler an sure enough； the pany begun in in from the
field。 you could hear them in the barracks takin showers an gettin dressed for the evenin meal； an
it weren'；t long afterward that they begun arrivin in the mess hall。
but the stew still wadnt ready。 i tasted it again an some things was still raw。 out in the mess
hall they begun a kind of disgruntled mumblin that soon turned to chantin an so i turned the boiler
up again。
after a haf hour or so； they was beatin on the tables with they knives an forks like in a prison
riot； an i knowed i had to do somethin fast； so i turned the boiler up high as it could go。
i'；m settin there watchin it； so nervous i didn'；t know what to do； when all of a sudden the first
sergeant e bustin thru the door。
〃what in hell is goin on here？〃 he axed。 〃where is these men'；s food？〃
〃it is almost ready； sergeant；〃 i say； an jus about then； the boiler menced to rumble an
shake。 steam begun to e out of the sides an one of the legs on the boiler tore loose from the
floor。
〃what is that？〃 the sergeant axed。 〃is you cookin somethin in that boiler！〃
〃that is the supper；〃 i says； an the sergeant got this real amazed look on his face； an a secont
later； he got a real frightened look； like you might get jus before an automobile wre