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we kept laughing and asked； hows the cold ram？〃
he would say； 〃ram was walking on the street and some people began swearing at him。
we had a belly laugh and said； how do you like the swearing； ram？ if you seek honor； you are bound to meet with insult。
〃 when people asked； 〃who are you talking about； which ram？〃 he would point to himself。
you will have to start experimenting with minor kinds of miseries。
you encounter them every day in life； they are present every day …… not only miseries； you will have to include happiness in the experiment also； because it is more difficult to be aware in happiness than it is to be in misery。
it is not so difficult to experience that your head and the pain in it are two separate things； but it is more difficult to experience that； 〃the body is separate and the joy of being healthy is separate from me too …… i am not even that。
〃 it is difficult to maintain this distance when we are happy because in happiness we like to be close to it。
while in misery； we obviously want to feel separate； away from it。
should it bee certain that the pain is separate from us； we want it to stay that way so we can be free of it。
you will have to experiment on how to remain aware in misery as well as in happiness。
one who carries out such experiments often brings misery upon himself； of his own free will； in order to experience it。
this is basically the secret of all asceticism： it is an experiment to undergo voluntary pain。
for example； a man is on a fast。
by remaining hungry he is trying to find out what effect hunger has on his consciousness。
ordinarily； a person who is on a fast hasnt the slightest notion of what he is doing …… he only knows that he is hungry and looks forward to having his meal the next day。
the fundamental purpose of fasting is to experience that； 〃hunger is there； but it is far away from me。
the body is hungry； i am not。
〃 so by inducing hunger voluntarily； one is trying to know； from within； if hunger is there。
ram is hungry …… i am not hungry。
i know hunger is there； and this has to bee a continuous knowing until i reach a point where a distance occurs between me and the hunger …… where i no longer remain hungry …… even in hunger i no longer remain hungry。
only the body stays hungry and i know it。
i simply remain a knower。
then the meaning of fasting bees very profound； then it does not mean merely remaining hungry。
normally； one who goes on a fast keeps repeating twenty…four hours a day that he is hungry； that he has not eaten any food that day。
his mind continues to fantasize about the food he will eat the next day and plans for it。
this kind of fasting is meaningless。
then it is merely abstaining from food。
the distinction between abstaining from food and fasting； upvasa； is this： fasting means residing closer and closer。
closer to what？ it means ing closer to the self by creating a distance from the body。
the word upvasa does not imply going without food。
upvasa means residing closer and closer。
closer to what？ it means closer to the self； residing closer to the self and further away from the body。
then it is also possible that a man may eat and yet remain in the state of fasting。
if； while eating； he knows from within that eating is taking place elsewhere and the consciousness is totally separate from the act； then it is upvasa。
and it is also possible that a man may not really be fasting even though he may have denied himself food； for he may be too conscious of being hungry； that he is dying of hunger。
upvasa is a psychological awareness of the separation of the self and the physical state of hunger。
other pains of a similar type can also be created voluntarily； but creating such voluntary pain is a very deep experiment。
a man may lie on thorns just to experience that the thorns only prick the body and not his self。
thus a misery can be invited in order to experience the disassociation of consciousness from the physical plane。
but there are already enough uninvited miseries in the world …… no need to invite any more。
already much misery is available …… one should start experimenting with it。
miseries e uninvited anyway。
if； during the uninvited misery； one can maintain the awareness that 〃i am separate from my suffering〃 then the suffering bees a sadhana； a spiritual discipline。
one will have to continue this sadhana even with happiness which has e on its own。
in suffering； it is possible we may succeed in deceiving ourselves because one would like to believe that 〃i am not pain。
〃 but when it es to happiness； a man wants to identify himself with it because he already believes that 〃i am happy。
〃 hence the sadhana is even more difficult with happiness。
nothing； in fact； is more painful than feeling that we are separate from our happiness。
actually； a man wants to drown himself pletely in happiness and forget that he is separate from it。
happiness drowns us； misery disconnects us and sets us apart from the self。
somehow； we e to believe that our identification with suffering is only because we have no other choice； but we wele happiness with our whole being。
be aware in the pain which es your way； be aware in the happiness which es your way …… and occasionally； just as an experiment； be aware in invited pain also； because in it； things are a little different。
we can never fully identify ourselves with anything we invite upon ourselves。
the very knowledge that it is an invited thing creates the distance。
the guest who es to your home does not belong there …… he is a guest。
similarly； when we invite suffering as our guest； it is already something separate from us。
while walking barefoot a thorn gets into your foot。
this is an accident and its pain will be overwhelming。
this unfortunate accident is different from when you purposely take a thorn and press it against your foot …… knowing every moment that you are piercing the foot with the thorn and watching the pain。
i am not asking you to go ahead and torture yourself； as it is； there is enough suffering already …… what i mean is： first be alert in going through both suffering and happiness； then later； one day； invite some misery and see how far away from it you can set your consciousness。
remember； the experiment of inviting misery is of great significance； because everyone wants to invite happiness but no one wants to invite misery。
and the interesting thing is that the misery we dont want es on its own； and the happiness we seek never es。
even when it es by chance； it remains outside our door。
the happiness we beckon to never es； while the happiness we never ask for walks right in。
when a person gathers enough strength to invite misery； it means he is so happy that he can invite suffering now。
he is so blissful that now there is no difficulty for him to invite suffering。
now misery can be asked to e and stay。
but this is a very deep experiment。
until we are prepared to undertake such an experiment； we must try to bee aware of whatever suffering es our way on its own。
if we go on being more and more aware each time we e across