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quarterhorse magazines。 thank you no； he said。 i appreciate it。
i had a letter from your wife。
you can call her loretta。
i know i can。 did you know she writes me？
i guess i knew shed wrote you a time or two。
its more than a time or two。 she writes pretty regular。 tells me the family news。
i didnt know there was any。
you might be surprised。
so what was special about this letter then。
she just told me you was quittin； thats all。 set down。
the old man didnt watch to see if he would or he wouldnt。 he fell to rolling himself a cigarette from a sack of tobacco at his elbow。 he twisted the end in his mouth and turned it around and lit it with an old zippo lighter worn through to the brass。 he sat smoking； holding the cigarette pencilwise in his fingers。
are you all right？ bell said。
im all right。
he wheeled the chair slightly sideways and watched bell through the smoke。 i got to say you look older； he said。
i am older。
the old man nodded。 bell had pulled out a chair and sat and he put his hat on the table。
let me ask you somethin； he said。
all right。
whats your biggest regret in life。
the old man looked at him； gauging the question。 i dont know； he said。 i aint got all that many regrets。 i could imagine lots of things that you might think would make a man happier。 i reckon bein able to walk around might be one。 you can make up your own list。 you might even have one。 i think by the time youre grown youre as happy as youre goin to be。 youll have good times and bad times； but in the end youll be about as happy as you was before。 or as unhappy。 ive knowed people that just never did get the hang of it。
i know what you mean。
i know you do。
the old man smoked。 if what youre askin me is what made me the unhappiest then i think you already know that。
yessir。
and it aint this chair。 and it aint this cotton eye。
yessir。 i know that。
you sign on for the ride you probably think you got at least some notion of where the rides goin。 but you might not。 or you might of been lied to。 probably nobody would blame you then。 if you quit。 but if its just that it turned out to be a little roughern what you had in mind。 well。 thats somethin else。
bell nodded。
i guess some things are better not put to the test。
i guess thats right。
what would it take to run loretta off？
i dont know。 i guess id have to do somethin that was pretty bad。 it damn sure wouldnt be just cause things got a little rough。 shes done been there a time or two。
ellis nodded。 he tipped the ash from his smoke into a jar…lid on the table。 ill take your word on that； he said。
bell smiled。 he looked around。 how fresh is that coffee？
i think its all right。 i generally make a fresh pot here ever week even if there is some left over。
bell smiled again and rose and carried the pot to the counter and plugged it in。
they sat at the table drinking coffee out of the same crazed porcelain cups that had been in that house since before he was born。 bell looked at the cup and he looked around the kitchen。 well； he said。 some things dont change； i reckon。
what would that be？ the old man said。
hell； i dont know。
i dont either。
how many cats you got？
several。 depends on what you mean by got。 some of em are half wild and the rest are just outlaws。 they run out the door when they heard your truck。
did you hear the truck？
hows that？
i said did you… youre havin a little fun with me。
what give you that idea？
did you？
no。 i seen the cats skedaddle。
you want some more of this？
im done。
the man that shot you died in prison。
in angola。 yes。
what would you of done if hed been released？
i dont know。 nothin。 there wouldnt be no point to it。 there aint no point to it。 not to any of it。
im kindly surprised to hear you say that。
you wear out； ed tom。 all the time you spend tryin to get back whats been took from you theres more goin out the door。 after a while you just try and get a tourniquet on it。
your grandad never asked me to sign on as deputy with him。 i done that my own self。
hell； i didnt have nothin else to do。 paid about the same as cowboyin。 anyway； you never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from。 i was too young for one war and too old for the next one。 but i seen what e out of it。 you can be patriotic and still believe that some things cost more than what theyre worth。 ask them gold star mothers what they paid and what they got for it。 you always pay too much。
particularly for promises。 there aint no such thing as a bargain promise。 youll see。
maybe you done have。
bell didnt answer。
i always thought when i got older that god would sort of e into my life in some way。 he didnt。 i dont blame him。 if i was him id have the same opinion about me that he does。
you dont know what he thinks。
yes i do。
he looked at bell。 i can remember one time you e to see me after you all had moved to denton。 you walked in and you looked around and you asked me what i intended to do。
all right。
you wouldnt ask me now though； would you？
maybe not。
you wouldnt。
he sipped the rank black coffee。
you ever think about harold？ bell said。
harold？
yes。
not much。 he was some older than me。 he was born in ninety…nine。 pretty sure thats right。 what made you think about harold？
i was readin some of your mothers letters to him； thats all。 i just wondered what you remembered about him。
was they any letters from him？
no。
you think about your family。 try to make sense out of all that。 i know what it did to my mother。 she never got over it。 i dont know what sense any of that makes either。 you know that gospel song？ well understand it all by and by？ that takes a lot of faith。 you think about him goin over there and dyin in a ditch somewheres。 seventeen year old。
you tell me。 because i damn sure dont know。
i hear you。 did you want to go somewheres？
i dont need nobody haulin me around。 i aim to just set right here。 im fine； ed tom。
it aint no trouble。
i know it。
all right。
bell watched him。 the old man stubbed out his cigarette in the lid。 bell tried to think about his life。 then he tried not to。 you aint turned infidel have you uncle ellis？
no。 no。 nothin like that。
do you think god knows whats happenin？
i expect he does。
you think he can stop it？
no。 i dont。
they sat quietly at the table。 after a while the old man said： she mentioned there was a lot of old pictures and family stuff。 what to do about that。 well。 there aint nothin to do about it i dont reckon。 is there？
no。 i dont reckon there is。
i told her to send uncle macs old cinco peso badge and his thumb…buster to the rangers。
i believe they got a museum。 but i didnt know what to tell her。 theres all that stuff here。
in the chifforobe in yonder。 that rolltop desk is full of papers。 he tilted the cup and looked into the bottom of it。
he never rode with coffee jack。 uncle mac。 thats all bull。 i dont know who started that。 he was shot down on his own porch in hudspeth county。
thats what i always heard。
they was seven or eight of em e to the house。 wantin this and w