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d。 the bocca trabaria。 he was cold but locked the weather out of his mind。 finally the road rose above the whiteness； the mist a bed behind him。 he skirted urbino where the germans had burned all the field horses of the enemy。 they had fought here in this region for a month； now he slid through in minutes； recognizing only the black madonna shrines。 the war had made all the cities and towns similar。
he came down towards the coast。 into gabicce mare； where he had seen the virgin emerge from the sea。 he slept on the hill； overlooking cliff and water； near where the statue had been taken。 that was the end of his first day。
dear clara—dear maman； maman is a french word； clara； a circular word； suggesting cuddles； a personal word that can be even shouted in public。
something as forting and as eternal as a barge。 though you； in spirit； i know are still a canoe。 can swerve one around and enter a creek in seconds。 still independent。 still private。 not a barge responsible for all around you。 this is my first letter in years； clara； and i am not used to the formality of them。 i have spent the last few months living with three others； and our talk has been slow； casual。 i am not used to talking in any way but that now。
the year is …。 what？ for a second i forget。 but i know the month and the day。 one day after we heard the bombs were dropped in japan； so it feels like the end of the world。 from now on i believe the personal will forever be at war with the public。 if we can rationalize this we can rationalize anything。
patrick died in a dove…cot in france。 in france in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries they built them huge； larger than most houses。 like this。
the horizontal line one…third of the way down was called the rat ledge—to stop rats running up the brick； so the doves would be safe。 safe as a dove…cot。 a sacred place。 like a church in many ways。 a forting place。 patrick died in a forting place。
at five a。m。 he kicked the triumph to life； and the rear wheel threw gravel in a skirt。 he was still in darkness； still unable to distinguish sea in the vista beyond the cliff。 for the journey from here to the south he had no maps； but he could recognize the war roads and follow the coast route。 when sunlight came he was able to double his speed。 the rivers were still ahead of him。
around two in the afternoon he reached ortona； where the sappers had laid the bailey bridges； nearly drowning in the storm in mid…river。 it began to rain and he stopped to put on a rubber cape。 he walked around the machine in the wetness。 now； as he travelled； the sound in his ears changed。 the shush shush replacing the whine and howl； the water flung onto his boots from the front wheel。 everything he saw through the goggles was grey。 he would not think of hana。 in all the silence within the bike’s noise he did not think of her。
when her face appeared he erased it； pulled the handlebars so he would swerve and have to concentrate。 if there were to be words they would not be hers； they would be names on this map of italy he was riding through。
he feels he carries the body of the englishman with him in this flight。 it sits on the petrol tank facing him； the black body in an embrace with his； facing the past over his shoulder； facing the countryside they are flying from； that receding palace of strangers on the italian hill which shall never be rebuilt。 “and my words which i have put in thy mouth shall not depart out of thy mouth。 nor out of the mouth of thy seed。 nor out of the mouth of thy seed’s seed。” the voice of the english patient sang isaiah into his ear as he had that afternoon when the boy had spoken of the face on the chapel ceiling in rome。 “there are of course a hundred isaiahs。 someday you will want to see him as an old man—in southern france the abbeys celebrate him as bearded and old； but the power is still there in his look。” the englishman had sung out into the painted room。 “behold； the lord will carry thee away with a mighty captivity； and he will surely cover thee。 he will surely violently turn and toss thee like a ball into a large country。” he was riding deeper into thick rain。 because he had loved the face on the ceiling he had loved the words。 as he had believed in the burned man and the meadows of civilisation he tended。 isaiah and jeremiah and solomon were in the burned man’s bedside book； his holy book； whatever he had loved glued into his own。 he had passed his book to the sapper； and the sapper had said we have a holy book too。
the rubber lining on the goggles had cracked during the past months and the rain now began filling each pocket of air in front of his eyes。 he would ride without them； the shush shush a permanent sea in his ears； and his crouched body stiff； cold； so there was only the idea of heat from this machine he rode so intimately； the white spray of it as he slid through villages like a slipping star； a half…second of visitation when one could make a wish。 “for the heavens shall vanish away like smoke and the earth shall wax old like a garment。 and they that dwell therein shall die in like manner。 for the moth shall eat them up like a garment； and the worms shall eat them like wool。” a secret of deserts from uweinat to hiroshima。
he was removing the goggles as he came out of the curve and onto the bridge over the ofanto river。 and with his left arm up holding the goggles free he began to skid。 he dropped them and calmed the bike but was not prepared for the iron bounce onto the lip of the bridge； the bike lying down to the right underneath him。 he was suddenly sliding with it along the skin of rainwater down the centre of the bridge； blue sparks from the scratching metal around his arms and face。
heavy tin flew off and shouldered past him。 then he and the bike veered to the left； there was no side to the bridge； and they hurtled out parallel to the water； he and the bike sideways； his arms flung back above his head。 the cape released itself away from him； from whatever was machine and mortal； part of the element of air。
the motorbike and the soldier stilled in midair； then pivoted down into the water； the metal body between his legs as they slammed into it； jarring a white path through it； disappearing； the rain too entering the river。 “he will toss thee like a ball into a large country。” how did patrick end up in a dove…cot； clara？ his unit had left him； burned and wounded。 so burned the buttons of his shirt were part of his skin； part of his dear chest。 that i kissed and you kissed。 and how was my father burned？ he who could swerve like an eel； or like your canoe； as if charmed； from the real world。 in his sweet and plicated innocence。 he was the most unverbal of men； and i am always surprised women liked him。 we tend to like a verbal man around us。 we are the rationalists； the wise； and he was often lost； uncertain； unspoken。
he was a burned man and i was a nurse and i could have nursed him。 do you understand the sadness of geography？ i could have saved him or at least been with him till the end。 i know a lot about burning。 how long was he alone with doves and rats？
with the last stages of blood and life in him？ doves over him。 the flutter